You might know the name Melissa Urban as the founder of theĀ Whole30Ā diet she created nearly 15 years ago.Ā Her brand is synonymous with healthy living and self-improvement.
Now sheās tackling empowerment in a new way, through her latest book ā out today! ā calledĀ The Book of Boundaries.Ā Already a New York Time best-selling author, this latest offering is a departure from the food world.Ā But, as Melissa says, The Book of Boundaries is deeply-rooted in self-confidence, a topic she has stuck with from the start.
Melissa Urban told The Local Moms Network exactly what prompted the book and shared her best tips for standing your ground in a slew of sticky situations.
- How did you get here?Ā Youāre a successful entrepreneur focused on wellness through food, so what prompted the conversation about boundaries?
Iāve been helping people say no to happy hour wine, break room donuts, and birthday party pizza on the Whole30 since 2009. (Itās a 30-day elimination program, so you say ānoā a lot.) Once people figured out I was good at that, they started asking me how to say no to their pushy mother-in-law, toxic co-worker, and nosy neighbor. Then during the pandemic, every mom discovered our boundaries needed aĀ seriousĀ upgrade, so I started working on the book in earnest.
- Why are boundaries the solution/missing link that we need to focus on?
Boundaries are one sentence, spoken clearly and kindly, that can instantly improve your energy, time, capacity, finances, mental health, and relationships. Theyāre magic, except no one ever teaches you about them (until now). Thatās why I wanted to write a practical guide to boundariesānot just the why and what, but the HOW DO YOU SAY IT part too.
- What are your top tips for creating the boundaries?
- Use stressors or pain points to identify where a boundary is needed. Feeling dread or anxiety about a person, conversation topic, physical location, or time of day is a boundary red flag.
- Decide what boundary would help you feel safe, healthy, or improve the relationship. Maybe itās not that your in-laws canāt stay for the whole week, but that they canāt blast the news during dinner or pump your kids full of sugar while theyāre there.
- Communicate your boundary in clear, kind language (what I call a āGreenā boundary). Hinting, eye-rolling, or laughing uncomfortablyĀ isnātĀ setting a boundaryādonāt make people guess or read your mind.
- If you receive push-back, escalate your language to Yellow or Redāmore firm, perhaps sharing the consequence if your boundary is not respected.
- Remember a boundary doesnāt tell someone else what to do, it tells them what YOU will do to keep yourself safe and healthy. You can make a request, but if they push back, you need to be the one to hold your boundary.
- Remember that your needs are valid and you have every right to ask that your healthy limits are respectedāand to take the action you need to keep yourself and your family safe and healthy.