ThisĀ article is written by TSSM’s contributor Joanna Dutra, a member of TheĀ Forbes Coaches Council. Creative confidence coachĀ (The Creative Confidant) with a Fortune 500 background, focused on helping clients build their best personal brand.
My drive home one day was thrown off by stopped cars on both sides of a state highway.Ā Must be an accident, I thought. Instead, I had a ringside seat to a poultry provocation: two large turkeys battling it out like Brad Pitt and Edward Norton inĀ Fight Club.
These gobblers were neck and neck, they held up traffic as they held up each other like Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed in round 15. I wanted to cry āfowl,ā but there was too much ārubbernecking.ā
My 9-year-old daughterās reaction to the story was, āI bet they were fighting over a female. But that would be strange because mating season is usually in spring for many animals in the wild.ā She continued, āThereās a male fish that makes a pattern with its body in the sand. The pattern is stunning. If the female likes the design, sheāll lay her eggs in the middle.ā
Drawing attention to your artistic prowess is an interesting way to find a mate ā and an interesting way to lead. While it may look different than a colorful beak or special dance routine, each of us has a unique strategy for garnering attention.
Spotting Our Strengths Vs. Shortcomings
We attempt a lot of things to stand out from the crowd. And we donāt always lead with our strengths. Itās really a matter of finding what we do well to attract others to our world and into our sphere. Animals instinctively seem to know what strengths to accentuate, but we humans are not always sure what to feature.
Why should we be afraid to show our true colors? Many animals use camouflage to detract predators, like the chameleon or tree frog that changes color to match its background. Itās essential for survival. Weāre not made to blend in, but sometimes itās hard to stand out.
Weāre trained to spot our shortcomings and reluctant to share our strengths. We all remember people who have highlighted our weaknesses. Itās easy to find things to pick on. Thatās why itās critical to know ourselves and be honest about what we do well. We must take a personal assessment from time to time. Just because something was a weakness yesterday doesnāt mean it canāt be a strength tomorrow. It sounds simple, but habits form early in life and if weāre told weāre not good at something enough times by enough people, we stop trying. We give up.
There’s a quote from the main character in the autobiographical filmĀ RudyĀ that sticks with me: “My whole life, people have been telling me what I could do and couldnāt do. Iāve always listened to them, believed in what they said. I donāt wanna do that anymore.ā
Staying True To Our Nature
Iām not a student of physics, but I am fascinated by a law of buoyancy called the “Archimedes Principle.” Even if you’re not familiar with the principle, you’re likely familiar with the concept: In essence, if you hold a beach ball under water, it will only remain under water until you release your hand. Then, the ball will spring back up from beneath the surface. I relate this to human behavior. We can try to suppress our true nature but, eventually, itās bound to emerge. Why not try to stay as true to ourselves as possible? Why fight gravitational pull?
20/20 Vision And The Lens With Which We See The World
How we view things, the lens through which we see the world, is critical to both our understanding as well as our feeling of fulfillment. Although we strive for perfection, we donāt expect perfection except when it comes to our vision.
As the daughter of an ophthalmologist, I know we need help to get perfect vision ā whether itās for seeing long distance or reading, contact lenses for sports or help with depth perception. Whatever the reason, we find little tweaks to help us attain the best vision possible, the ability to see 20/20.
My daughter plays goalie on her soccer team. Itās never been a dream of mine to save goals; I believe all the glory is bestowed upon the heroic makers of goals ā the playmakers. My brain has been focused and trained to believe that winning is the goal and the reason ā always. Full stop. Vince Lombardi once said, āWinning isnāt everything; itās the only thing.ā I read that near the end of his life, he amended his thoughts: “I wished I’d never said the thing… I meant the effort. I meant having a goal.ā So many of us didnāt get this memo.
Itās taken me well into adulthood to realize not only that thereās way more to be learned from losing, but also that there are a lot of different ways to contribute to a teamās feeling of victory without actually winning. Thereās power in helping a team in a different way. Saving a goal feels heroic, even if you lose 10-1. Iād never considered that it could mean more to prevent a loss than it could to contribute to a win. It relates back to which lens I used to view the experience. If Iām seeing things clearly, I understand that satisfaction is derived in more than one way. I canāt view a loss as all my fault any more than I can view a victory as all my doing.
Itās time to talk turkey. Iāve committed these three key truths to memory:
1. Just because someoneās better at something doesnāt mean you arenāt good.
2. Just because someone tells you that youāre not good at something doesnāt make it true.
3. Just because you failed once doesnāt mean you canāt succeed.
Letās be ourselves most of the time instead of some of the time. Letās identify the things that differentiate us and lead with those. Take a lesson from nature: attract others with our most defining characteristics and never camouflage our strengths.